Reasonable adjustments are changes that your school or family makes to remove or reduce a disadvantage because of your neurodivergent needs around routine and change. You can ask for reasonable adjustments to be made.
Friendships and social connections are an important aspect of people’s lives. They provide a sense of belonging and allow people to be included in their communities. Everyone can be a friend; everyone deserves to have friends.
People with neurodevelopmental differences often have different ways of communicating, learning, and regulating their behaviour. Embracing an open attitude to differences among people, and encouraging children to do the same, can help others feel more comfortable in social situations.
Practice at home: Skill-building around common social situations
Sometimes, neurodevelopmental differences can make it harder to develop friendships and participate in social activities with peers. Skill building is one way to help children bridge the gap.
Navigating social settings and making friends involve many skills you can practice with children at home.
Greetings and questions. Make a habit of practicing greetings throughout the day. Model good listening for your child, and take turns asking and answering conversation starters like, “How are you?”
Adjusting body movements and level of voice depending on surroundings. While certain behaviours can be soothing for children who are neurodivergent, these behaviours can be challenging in some environments. For example, a playground or park works well for an excited body and a loud voice, while a calm body and quiet voice may be needed in a library. Practicing different behaviours for different settings can be helpful.
Patience and flexibility in play. Play helps children learn more about themselves, others, and the world around them. Children can engage as they are able and most comfortable, such as through parallel play with a shared interest or activity, or more interactive play. Free form play dates can offer more time and space to explore while structured play, including puzzles and outdoor sports, can offer a goal to work toward alongside others.
Reading and responding to social signals. People regularly communicate using more than just words. Social signals are the variety of ways in which we communicate through body language and facial expressions. Often this can be tricky to detect for children who are neurodivergent. Practice recognizing common social signals with your child by asking what someone’s body or face might be saying.
Impulsivity, aggression, and safety concerns
Some children with neurodevelopmental disabilities may also experience impulsive, aggressive, or unsafe behaviours, such as bolting or wandering. Sometimes these behaviours are due to difficulty handling strong feelings.
To help children navigate the different emotions that come their way, practice communicating strong feelings effectively either by asking for help, using an emotions board, or taking a break. It’s also important to address safety concerns and challenging behaviours, like impulsivity and aggression, through therapies and programming.
How to throw a wide net socially
Encouraging social opportunities is an important part of supporting friendships and social relationships for children with neurodevelopmental disabilities. Social spaces offer chances for children who are neurodivergent to find activities they enjoy. They are able to practice the social and emotional skills they are learning and possibly meet other children practicing these same skills.
Build up time. A new social situation can sometimes be overwhelming and only good for short periods of time. Building up over time can help with getting used to a new environment. Practice staying the first 10 minutes of a birthday party and gradually build up to staying all the way for cake.
Structure and organize play dates. Set up the environment before a play date by making a list of activities to do with a friend, then picking out of a hat which activities to do and in what order. Add parallel play into play dates through arts and crafts projects and build toward more interactive play skills as desired.
Make a list of fun things to do and invite others to join. Look for free or low-cost programs or events out in the community.
Connect with other parents of children with disabilities. Set up an activity for your children like an ice cream date, going on a walk, or a game night with adults and children together. These encounters can give rise to repeat, planned social opportunities.
Check out community organizations for children with disabilities. A few examples are Special Olympics and Best Buddies, or recreational programs that foster inclusive environments through Unified Sports.
Look into facilitated recreational activities like a Lego club or pizza parties with teachers. Decide when and where to make food part of the equation. Plan to bring a support person if needed.