Reasonable adjustments are changes that your school or family makes to remove or reduce a disadvantage because of your neurodivergent needs around routine and change. You can ask for reasonable adjustments to be made.
When it comes to navigating through differences, a few key strategies for keeping the peace with minimal effort are:
1. Caring for our Senses
Many neurodivergent people experience either a very muted or heightened sense of the world. For those of us with the latter experience, everything is louder, brighter, and more intense than it is for most people. Sensitivity to lights or sounds or smells can overwhelm us easily and make getting through a particular activity, like mealtimes, challenging. Knowing this about ourselves, we take precautions, and trust our family members to have our sensory needs in mind when possible.
Ideas:
- Adjust room lighting e.g., room lamp.
- Look for ways to reduce noise e.g., headphones.
- Choose to have a meal somewhere quieter e.g., in the garden.
2. Direct Teaching and Learning
A lot of neurodivergent children learn very differently than most people. They do not just pick things up as they go along, like cooking or how to shop or what to say to the neighbour when they meet them unexpectedly at the corner. These are things that they need to explicitly learn or be taught how to do. Be the “teacher” at home and model and teach these life skills.
Ideas:
- Model interacting with food.
- Learn about new foods together.
- Share cooking experiences and combining of ingredients.
- Model tasting and preparing meals.
- Choose foods together and discuss preferences.
3. Schedules and Routines
A regular schedule and at least one routine (often the mealtime routine), may be a part of life for many families. For neurodivergent children, having a schedule for the day or sticking to our usual routines is often what makes the difference between a good day and a bad one. There are a great many unpredictable things about life that can happen on any given day. That is why having a routine to rely on makes things easier for everyone: it gives everyone chance to not have to think so hard, not have to process every moment.
Ideas:
- Weekly day and week meal plan
- Following the same routine to set up a mealtime.
4. Valuing Intentions
Understand that brains work differently, and that this will cause some miscommunications to occur. Yet rarely is there ill intent behind any of what is said or done. So, make a commitment to each other to always look deeper—dig down past the initial miscommunication and consider the other person’s intentions. Good intent does not erase adverse outcomes, but it does soften what otherwise could be a sharp or painful interaction for all involved.
Ideas:
- Praise where possible
- Find easy ways to communicate.
5. We Are Our Own “Normal”.
When it comes to maintaining a sense of “normality,” what works best some, honestly, is to make their own “normal.” Each of us has different ideas of what is normal for family life, so bring those ideas together and make something unique to your collective experience.
Ideas:
- Mealtimes away from the table
- Family sharing mealtimes
- Music at mealtimes