“Neurodivergent” is not a diagnosis. It is not a term in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). Instead, it is a way of thinking about other diagnoses.

Identifying as neurodivergent is a personal choice. If you have been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or any of the other conditions previously listed, you may choose to identify as neurodivergent. Some experts include other mental illnesses on their list of neurodivergent conditions, such as anxiety or depression.

Since it is not an official diagnosis, there are no standards for who “counts” as neurodivergent and who does not. However, it’s important not to mislabel common human behaviours as “neurodivergent.” Forgetting things, making mistakes, misspeaking, not listening, feeling tired, wanting a break from socializing—these are all behaviours that everyone experiences from time to time.

Neurodiversity is the idea that cognitive variations are a form of diversity, not a disease or disorder. It’s the mindset from which terms like “neurodivergent” and “neurotypical” emerge.

Individuals are considered either neurodivergent or neurotypical. Groups that include both neurotypical and neurodivergent people can be called neurodiverse. Individuals alone cannot be called neurodiverse because diversity implies two or more different experiences.

What is Neurodiversity?

Neurodiversity is the concept that there are a variety of ways that people’s brains process information, function, and present behaviourally. Rather than thinking there is something wrong or problematic when some people don’t operate similarly to others, neurodiversity embraces all differences.  The concept of neurodiversity recognises that both brain function and behavioural traits are simply indicators of how diverse the human population is.

Neurotypical is a descriptor that refers to someone who has the brain functions, behaviours, and processing considered standard or typical.  Neurotypical people may have no idea they are because the subject has likely never come up for them before. These people usually hit all of their developmental and behavioural milestones at the same times and ages that are considered standard for most people.  Once grown, they generally move through life without having to wonder if their brains function in the same way as others do.

Neurodivergence is the term for people whose brains function differently in one or more ways than is considered standard or typical.  There are many different ways that neurodivergence manifests, ranging from very mild ways that most people would never notice to more obvious ways that lead to a person behaving differently than is standard in our society. We’ll examine the most common types of neurodivergence and the ways they manifest ahead.

What do you mean by “hiding in plain sight?

There are many children and young people who’s needs are going unidentified. The may be neurodivergent, they may not but either way it is important that children and young people have their voices heard and their needs understood, in school, at home and in the wider community.  

Some children and young people will present in ways that could be because they are neurodivergent.  It is important that children and young people are supported and “heard” so that they can be protected from negative labelling such as “naughty” and be helped and supported with the things that they find challenging.

Here are some “differences” that you may notice:

• Behaviours (which are communication)
• Speech, language and communication
• Masking
• Friendships
• Social isolation
• Mental Wellbeing especially anxiety
• Eating

Regardless of whether they do end up as being identified as neurodivergent or not, behaviour is one way of someone communicating that something isn’t right for that child or young person.

All behaviour is a form of communication.

Everybody communicates through behaviour. An infant may cry when she is hungry or wet, just like an adult may yawn when he is bored at work. Adults and children are communicating something through their behavior during every moment in every day, even if they are not aware of it. A child’s problematic or inappropriate behavior is a sign that he is upset and that something is not right.

There is always a reason for problem behaviour.

Children sometimes have trouble communicating, because they may not be able to verbally describe the problem or know what to do in a situation. At these times, children may act out their feelings or needs. Children engage in challenging behaviour for a reason. The purpose may be getting someone’s attention, stopping an activity they don’t like, or satisfying sensory needs — but there is always a reason behind the behaviour.

There can be many reasons behind one specific behaviour.

Children with challenging behaviour are sending adults the message that something is not right or that their needs are not being met. There could be many reasons for a single behaviour, such as being hungry, scared, hurt, tired, bored, sad or angry. Some children  children may engage in behaviour that seems destructive, because they enjoy the physical sensation (for example pulling threads from clothing). Sometimes children feel unsafe or out of control, so they take inappropriate action over the things they do control, like being able to kick someone. A child who has tried several times to communicate to adults about what he needs, but whose needs remain unmet, will often use problem behavior as a way of sending a very loud message.

Adults can learn to understand and interpret children’s challenging behaviour.

Since children often use their behaviour to tell us what they need, adults can help the child by figuring out the meaning behind the child’s behaviour. All children, but especially those who display challenging behaviour, need the consistency of a reliable and caring adult who will provide support and guidance, especially during difficult times.

Children’s challenging behaviour can be reduced with support, not punishment.

Once adults understand what children are communicating through their behaviour, they can respond better. When children feel respected and have their needs met, there is no longer a reason to use challenging behaviour to communicate. Punishing a child for a behaviour may stop the behaviour for the moment, but it does not give the child support or provide alternate ways to act in difficult situations. When adults help children find positive ways to communicate their needs to others, children learn important social and problem-solving skills that will help them throughout their life.

Speech, language and communication needs

Many children and young people who have behavioural difficulties, including many of those with social, emotional and mental health needs (SEMH), also have speech, language and communication needs (SLCN). These needs often go unrecognised because behaviour can mask a child or young person’s difficulties with communication.

Understanding the links between communication and behaviour problems and SEMH by identifying their SLCN, advising their families and professionals working with them on how to respond appropriately, and providing direct therapy to those children and young people who need it.

What are speech, language and communication needs?

SLCN can take many forms, including:

• problems understanding what others say;
• difficulties explaining their actions clearly;
• not having many words to express feelings; and
• difficulties with social communication, so they don’t know how to join a conversation in the right kind of way.

SLCN might be masked by other ‘labels’ or ‘diagnoses’, such as learning difficulties.

What does communication have to do with behaviour?

Communication difficulties are strongly associated with behavioural problems, with studies observing consistently higher levels of disruptive and antisocial behaviour amongst children and young people also identified with SLCN. These associations can be understood by considering the impact of SLCN on the skills and abilities a child or young person needs to behave appropriately.

Masking

Neurodivergent children can sometimes ‘mask’ their differences and anxieties in order to try and fit in with those around them.  Masking is more common in girls, although many boys also present with this behaviour.

The impact of masking:

• Masking can hide the person you really are, it can mean that your true needs and any adjustments that could help may not be identified and met
• If you are very good at masking, people may not believe you when you tell them that something is wrong or that you are struggling.
• Masking often replaces outward stress with internal stress. This can lead to the development of anxiety and depression as needs may not be identified and met and people feel that they are not able to be their true selves
• Masking can make it hard for you to know what is real and what is an act. You may feel as if you are not able to be yourself and instead turn into someone else so that others will like you.

Children feel safest at home with their parents, so it makes sense that they feel more able to release their anxieties at home.  Many parents describe how their child is like a “shaken up coke bottle” when they return home from school.

All children are different, but if they change character when they go from school to home, or go into meltdown, or appear exhausted, it might be a sign that they are masking in public.  Sometimes there are smaller clues. They may use self-regulating strategies to decompress when they get home, or show their distress in subtle ways at school.

Parents should give them acceptance and a safe space at home, and advocate for them at school. But that can be difficult, and it’s up to education professionals too to understand and be alert to the signs of masking and distress.

Social isolation

While neurotypical social skills are not inherently superior to other types of communication, they are generally accepted in society as the “right” way to communicate. Because of this, many neurodivergent people struggle in social situations and are often told their social skills are lacking. For example, many neurodivergent people are uncomfortable with sustained, direct eye contact, which neurotypical people may interpret as rude.

Some neurodivergent individuals are able to mask and present with seemingly-neurotypical social skills with great personal effort which can lead to burnout. Some have communication and social skills that are not valued in neurotypical society. Some struggle with social interaction even with neurotype peers. Most neurodivergent people have some combination of these. Appropriate support depends on the individual’s skills, needs and personal goals and values.

Many social environments neurotypical people enjoy are challenging or impossible for neurodivergent people. Because of sensory sensitivities, they may not function in crowded and/or loud places. This means that many ‘typical’ social events, like parties, bars, music festivals, etc. aren’t enjoyable and are actually deeply distressing and dysregulating.

It is also important to “Find your people”. Remember that other people can be or feel awkward too.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Neurodivergence can come with challenges, but it is not a moral failing or indication of lower personal worth. In Monica Fay’s words, “There will always be people who cannot handle your personality. Don’t focus on them.” You are enough as yourself.

Friendships

A common misconception about people who are neurodivergent is that they cannot or do not want to form friendships. Although some neurodivergent individuals may choose not to form many (or any) friendships, research now shows that neurodivergent people generally want friends; they just have trouble making them.

“People who are neurodivergent [are] forced to live in a world that is not set up for them and is largely just not accepting of any of their differences,” says Kelly Beck, a licensed professional counsellor (LPC) who is an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh. This can lead to relationship challenges not only with friends but also with family, medical professionals and colleagues.

In addition, they are often expected to conform to neurotypical behaviours in social interactions, Beck says. For example, neurodivergent people may have difficulty interpreting neurotypical social cues, which can lead to discrimination if their responses don’t match what society considers to be the “correct” reaction.

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-neurodivergent-guide-to-social-skills-7500818

Mental Wellbeing

It’s important to note that neurodiversity does not refer to a mental health condition. Likewise, neurodivergent individuals do not necessarily have poor mental health.

However, due to social expectations and a lack of support and understanding, neurodivergent pupils may be particularly susceptible to mental health problems – especially in environments where differences are not understood and respected.

School can be an anxiety-provoking environment for neurodivergent children and young people. Many pupils can face cognitive, sensory, and social challenges in the school environment, which is usually designed primarily with neurotypical pupils and staff members in mind.

A neurodivergent meltdown is a sensory overload incident that causes emotional distress. Meltdown is a term that is commonly used but many people dislike its use and prefer to use the term dysregulation.  A support system can help you deal with a neurodivergent meltdown. Online communities are another option. Taking breaks, focusing on positive emotions, and practicing good mental hygiene are all ways to cope.

A neurodivergent shut-down is a more muted response to extreme overload or stress. When someone goes into shutdown mode, there are a few common signs. These are:

• Being completely silent
• Not being able to communicate in any way
• Withdrawing to a quiet, dark space to get away from the cause of their shutdown
• Not being able to move from where they are because they’re thinking too much about the cause of their shutdown
• Lying down on a flat surface, being completely still

It’s not that easy to tell when a shutdown is going to happen, but if your son or daughter is feeling stressed or overwhelmed, it’s good to know what the root cause is. They may be in a crowded, noisy environment. They may be doing a task they find really difficult or may be on the brink of shutdown as a result of days and weeks of stress building up.  Shutdowns have two purposes. The first is to try and express that someone is feeling stressed, while the second is to try and get rid of that stress and calm down. In some instances, they occur after a meltdown, acting as a means of trying to return to normal.

Time to recover-  As is the case with some meltdowns, someone who experiences a shutdown will eventually come round. However, the time taken to recover varies depending on the shutdown’s cause, how overwhelmed the person is and how close they are to its cause.  To be on the safe side, it’s worth giving your child space when it happens. By being left alone for a while, they’ll be able to gradually de-stress and, in the process, be able to recover without it seeming forced or risking another shutdown occurring.  If your child has several shutdowns, take the time to find out what works to help them recover. It could be something they enjoy, something to stim with or a quiet, reassuring word or touch. The latter can work in knowing that your son or daughter has some support when at their most stressed or anxious.

A neurodivergent burnout grows with years of pretending to be something you are not; to fit in in a world that wasn’t designed for people like you. It is the result of the work the neurodivergent community have to do to close the gap between what neurotypical society expects us to be and who we are. 

Here are some creative ideas to improve your wellbeing including music, journalling, and a Happy Jar.
https://mindyourway.co.uk/creative-ideas/

Some advice for parents and carers- a video made by Young People Cornwall to show your parents

Eating

Everyone eats in different ways. You might eat loads one day, be less hungry another day, or go through phases of wanting to eat more or less healthily. That’s completely normal.

But sometimes the way we feel about food and eating can become a problem. Some signs that you may have a problem include:

• focussing a lot on controlling what or how much you eat
• having urges to get rid of the food from your body
• feeling unable to stop yourself from eating
• using food to manage your emotions
• feeling guilty for enjoying food

Eating problems are common and they can affect anyone with any body shape or lifestyle, regardless of gender, culture, age or ethnicity.

Some people mistakenly think that eating disorders only affect girls, but this isn’t true. Studies suggest roughly 75% of people affected by eating disorders are female.

What causes eating problems?

Many things can cause eating problems. You might develop an eating problem when things don’t feel right in other parts of your life, especially if you’re feeling worried, stressed or out of control. Some eating problems might be triggered by other mental health conditions. Some autistic people also struggle with certain textures or types of food, which can be a symptom of a condition called ARFID.

Images we see in the media or on social media can make us feel we have to look a certain way, or be a certain weight, which can cause us to change the way we eat. But there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to look – everyone’s body is different.

Struggling with food or eating is never the fault of the person going through it and anyone experiencing problems around food deserves to get better.

What To Do If You’re Experiencing Eating Problems | YoungMinds
https://youngminds.org.uk/young-person/my-feelings/eating-problems/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgIbhnuCOggMVSOLtCh35vgGTEAMYASAAEgLkZ_D_BwE

Just Surviving | ATTUNE